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Leah walked through the kitchen and over to the table, unzipping her coat and hanging it on the back of one of the chairs. It felt like being transported back in time, and she placed her hand on the wall beside her, feeling completely disoriented. Leah dropped her head back slightly, blinking up at the sky. She still had errands to run, not to mention the hour drive back home. The look in the woman’s eyes mirrored the unadulterated kindness of her words, and Leah was suddenly consumed with the inapt desire to wrap her arms around this tiny stranger.
If he had passed out, based on how drunk he was, there’d be no waking him up. If that were the case, she had no idea how she would get him out of the car and up the stairs. The silence wore on, slowly but surely crossing into awkward territory, and Leah cleared her throat as she began fiddling with her scarf. The woman tilted her head, waiting, and it suddenly occurred to her that perhaps this lady wasn’t all there. The woman nodded, her broad, amused smile transitioning into a more demure one. Leah smiled in return, expecting the woman to be on her way, or at the very least, to say something else.
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The shutters—although the same brick color they always were—were brand new. In fact, the windows themselves were new too. The one she remembered to be in the kitchen was now a pretty bay window with a few small pots of daffodils lined up along the sill.
He was leaning most of his weight on her as they walked into the lobby, and as they stood waiting for the elevator, Leah’s legs began to tremble with the task. At least now she knew why he’d been served. This wasn’t the place that had cut him off. The only good news was that she knew he hadn’t driven to McGillicuddy’s, so the other bar had to be within drunken walking distance. But instead he slunk out of the chair, sliding his arms around her waist and pulling her against him.
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Gram and the nurses had spent the last year keeping up a steady system of shaving him, cutting his hair, his fingernails. Leah lifted her eyes from the incongruous piece of jewelry to see the woman extending her hand.
She brought her hands up to his biceps to brace herself, and he buried his face in her hair as he inhaled deeply. “You’re here,” he said again, and this time it sounded like a prayer. Danny walked the few steps over to the chair and sank down into it, pressing his hands into the tops of his thighs to try and stop them from trembling. She glanced around, her vision blurred from her unshed tears. The block of concrete, the one they had imprinted with their handprints and initials, was gone. Her chin quivered slightly as she lifted her eyes, looking at the opposite end of the yard.
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Assuming that his bedroom had to be one of them, she began walking them in that direction. Leah cut the engine, looking over at him. She watched his back expand and contract with every breath, but he still hadn’t moved. He covered his face with his hands as he rested his forehead on the dash again, and then he slammed his fist down on top of it. ” he asked again, and Leah’s stomach twisted.
But she just stood there, staring at her with expectant eyes, as if Leah were the one who initiated contact with her. She sat up straight as something like panic fluttered in her chest. She’d barely gotten a chance to see it.
She exhaled slowly and opened her eyes, tugging his pants the rest of the way down and removing the belt before she folded them and draped them over a nearby chair. She came back to the bed and climbed on, dutifully keeping her eyes above his waist as she started undoing the buttons of his shirt. “I lied to you,” he said hoarsely, his eyes still closed. Leah undid his laces and removed his shoes, placing them up against the far wall so he wouldn’t trip over them if he got out of bed for any reason tonight. Leah gave him a gentle shove and he lurched forward before falling back onto the mattress with a groan, his eyes already closed. Danny rested his chin on the top of her head as he ran his hand over the back of her hair.
“I was about to ask you the same thing,” the woman said, her face crumpling with the amused smile again. “Merry Christmas to you too, sir,” Leah said, watching the other cars pick up speed again as they continued down the road. She finds herself unexpectedly drawn to Danny, despite his unreliable behavior and mixed signals. His hand left her thigh as he brought it up to his face, rubbing his eyes roughly before he let it fall back to the bed with a slap. “Holy shit,” she said to herself, rolling her neck as she leaned up against the wall to catch her breath. Leah glanced around the small space quickly, noticing two doorways off the living room.
She stood beside him and leaned over, hooking her fingers in the waistband of his pants. With a deep breath to strengthen her resolve, she climbed up onto the bed and sat on her heels at his side. Just as she brought her fingers to the buckle on his belt, she felt his hand slide up her thigh, coming to rest more than halfway up. She stood at the foot of his bed, her hands on her hips as she looked him over. He nodded wearily, and she exited the car and came around to his side, helping him out onto the sidewalk.
She’d seen these same houses—packed together like books on a shelf—and their tiny fenced-in yards countless times. She could vividly remember coming down this street in the back of her mother’s car, blowing her warm breath against the window and drawing little hearts in the fog that magically appeared there. She was always afraid that one year, she’d drive down to discover the new owners had re-sided the odd-colored exterior, erasing the warm, pale yellow that always reminded her of sunlight on sand. She walked around to the passenger side and leaned against the car with a tiny sigh, allowing her eyes to drift over her childhood home. Without thinking, she pulled into the empty space in front of the house’s one-car garage. The black pickup sped by with another beep of its horn, this time accompanied by a middle finger pressed up against the passenger window.
She had his keys in her hand, and she opened the door quickly before tossing them somewhere on the floor. She needed both arms to help him now, and every muscle in her body strained with the effort. She could tell he was close to passing out, and Leah glanced at the numbers lighting up above their heads, willing them to go faster. Leah took a tiny breath as she reached over and resumed rubbing circles on the small of his back. I need you to walk with me,” she said, wrapping her arm around his waist.
Her eyes scanned the road frantically, trying to find an open space on the cramped little street, but there was nothing. The cars were lined up bumper to bumper along the sidewalk, the only openings being the entryways for those houses that had garages. When the last car had passed, she exhaled, turning to look through the passenger window at the little yellow one-story house. Although she’d been making this trip ever since she could drive, never once had she actually parked the car. It was always a slow crawl down the street, a few quick seconds to take it in, and then back to real life.
She had no idea how she was going to hold him if he couldn’t walk, but as she took a step, thankfully he followed. Those words had soothed him so many times, but today they rolled off him like drops of rain down the window—fleeting and futile. Dr. Racine approached Gram’s side of the bed, placing his hand on her shoulder. “It won’t be too much longer now,” he said gently. Bryan’s face was thinner than Danny’s memories, something he’d gradually grown accustomed to, but today his jaw was covered in a light five-o’clock shadow.
Not his breath in her hair, or his hands on her body, or those words on his lips. He dropped his head, resting his forehead on her shoulder as he fisted the side of her sweatshirt. “The other bar,” he mumbled, and Leah closed her eyes, sighing heavily. But with Bryan in front of him, everything was suddenly sharp. His impassive face provided the blank canvas for Danny to recreate image after image of his friend—happy, sad, confused, angry, amused—all crystal clear and perfect. Whenever he’d leave after a visit, Danny would always promise himself that this time, he wouldn’t forget.
